i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
