well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
