tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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