At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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