Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
