ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
