You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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