is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found the puke drawer
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
