the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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