i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
