Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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