she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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