Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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