i don't like sucking hair
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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