Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
