Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
