Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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