so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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