you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
