does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
