If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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