How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
