So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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