Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
