theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
