So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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