So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
