Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
