Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
