dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
handjob tips. give me some.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
