What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
