i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
