You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
