I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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