Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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