I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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