Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think a kid would responsible me up
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
