at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
