I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
