I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You are a booty call, not a friend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
