she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
