Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
