god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
