P.S. I can't hear my feet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
