Just fell off a train. Bad.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
