tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
