I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
