The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
