I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
