Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
