i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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