Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
