Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
