I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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