I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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