I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
