so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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