Can Purell be used as lube?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
