The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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