that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
