i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
