I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
