love makes seman taste better
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
