ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
