I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
