last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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