You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
