wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
