I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
