I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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