i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
