i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
