i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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