So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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