im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
