Small penises have feelings too.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
